| Do your believe in love at first site or should I drive by again? |
| 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. |
| 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. |
| A day without sunshine is like, night. |
| A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. |
| According to my best recollection, I don't remember. |
| All generalizations are false. |
| All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. |
| All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. |
| Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. |
| As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools |
| Ask me about my vow of silence. |
| Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
| Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? |
| BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!! |
| Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. |
| Black holes are where God divided by zero. |
| Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death. |
| CAUTION! I drive like you do! |
| Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. |
| CLINTON HAPPENS. |
| Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. |
| Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! |
| Cover me. I'm changing lanes. |
| Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? |
| Did you check if your horn works? |
| Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. |
| Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. |
| Don't steal. The government hates competition. |
| Dyslexics of the world, untie! |
| Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. |
| Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. |
| Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? |
| Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. |
| Few women admit their age, few men act it. |
| Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! |
| Give me ambiguity or give me something else. |
| Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks. |
| Grow your own dope. Plant a man. |
| Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do. |
| HANG-UP & DRIVE |
| Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! |
| Have a nice day... somewhere else. |
| Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it? |
| He who laughs last thinks slowest. |
| Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. |
| He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. |
| Honk if you like peace and quiet. |
| How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? |
| I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean. |
| I Brake For No Apparent Reason. |
| I can handle pain until it hurts. |
| I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day... |
| I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns. |
| I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. |
| I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere. |
| I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. |
| I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. |
| I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. |
| I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire. |
| I intend to live forever - so far, so good. |
| I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. |
| I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. |
| I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. |
| I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken. |
| I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. |
| I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins. |
| I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight! |
| i souport publik edekasion |
| I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving. |
| I swerve for cats. |
| I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. |
| I think your hard drive has a slipped disk. |
| I took an IQ test and the results were negative. |
| I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. |
| I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. |
| I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ... |
| I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. |
| If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
| If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question. |
| If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane. |
| If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire. |
| If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. |
| If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? |
| If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you. |
| If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk. |
| If you don't like the news, go out and make some. |
| If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it! |
| I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower. |
| I'm back by popular demand. |
| I'm not driving fast-just flying low. |
| I'm objective; I object to everything. |
| I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? |
| Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere. |
| IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. |
| It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. |
| It's bad luck to be superstitious. |
| It's been Monday all week. |
| It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. |
| I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway. |
| Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician |
| Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. |
| Life is too complicated in the morning. |
| Life's a beach, and then you drown. |
| Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women. |
| Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
| Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. |
| Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. |
| Men are idiots and I married their king. |
| Men are proof that women can take a joke. |
| Montana --- At least our cows are sane! |
| My karma ran over your dogma. |
| My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird! |
| National Atheist's Day April 1 |
| No matter where you go, you're there. |
| Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody. |
| Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. |
| Nuke the Whales. |
| Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? |
| On the other hand, you have different fingers. |
| Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. |
| Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. |
| Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. |
| Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. |
| Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. |
| Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! |
| Save the whales. Collect the whole set. |
| Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle." |
| Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. |
| Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. |
| Sorry, I don't date outside my species. |
| Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! |
| Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have. |
| Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! |
| Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. |
| The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened. |
| The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. |
| The gene pool could use a little chlorine. |
| The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. |
| The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography |
| They told me I was gullible... and I believed them. |
| They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES! |
| Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. |
| Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. |
| Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students! |
| Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. |
| Today's subliminal message is: ( ) |
| Tow-ers will be violated |
| Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. |
| Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. |
| WARNING: mental backup in progress. |
| We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. |
| We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. |
| We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"? |
| Welcome to New York. Now go home! |
| What happens if you get scared half to death twice? |
| When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. |
| When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. |
| When there's a will, I want to be in it! |
| When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. |
| Where there's a will, I want to be in it! |
| Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? |
| Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible? |
| Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? |
| Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? |
| You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. |
| You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. |
| Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. |
